The Brody family may be unlike any other family you’ve heard or known about, but they have a lot of wisdom to share when it comes to opening up about how addiction affects loved ones. Having multiple members of their family on different paths of recovery, they know what it’s like to both succeed and fail in their individual roles throughout the process.
In the unique All Points North (APN) podcast episode, Families Do Recover: Recovery x APN, podcast co-host and APN alumni, Dan, and his family members openly discuss how Dan’s addiction and recovery process have affected them. At the same time, they shed light on the things they’ve learned along the way that made their family more resilient in the face of adversity. To learn more about their story, check out the podcast or continue reading the article below.
How Addiction Affects Loved Ones
In his individual APN podcast episode, Addiction Helped Me Cope Until It Didn’t: Recovery x Dan, Dan shared his personal story with addiction and recovery at APN. However, in his family episode, Families Do Recover: Recovery x APN, Dan goes even deeper into how this affected his loved ones.
“As hard as it is for the individual that is suffering [with addiction], it’s probably equally as hard for the family members,” Dan said. “I think the message that family members or significant others provide is just as powerful as mine because although it’s kind of like the same journey, we both have different paths of getting there and we both have different experiences. Yours wasn’t necessarily an active addiction, but you were just as a part of it as I was.”
Dan’s sister, Perry, also opened up about how her brother’s addiction affected her.
“It’s a tough spot to be in because, on one hand, you can sense that the other person is not themselves. You know they’re struggling – going through something – and you want to be protective of them,” Perry said. “So you want to almost tell yourself it’s not really happening and defend them publicly … or make excuses for them … On the other hand, you want what’s best for them. You want them to be healthy. You also want to figure out a way to help them get out of it and you don’t have all the answers … it was a difficult spot to be in, so it was day-by-day. It was very tricky and very uncomfortable and then at other times I wanted to be really selfish and close my eyes and just not deal with it.”
Dan shares from his perspective how he felt about his sister’s reaction while in active addiction versus in recovery.
“I always thought, like, I’m putting the pills in my mouth. I’m doing it to my body. I’m harming myself. I’m not harming you,” Dan said. “I never thought about it as if, God forbid, I were to overdose and die, they had to live with a brother that passed away. Right? So I can only imagine how difficult it was to help someone [like that].”
“I think it started as just fear [of] you not being here one day,” Perry said. “But also, when it got to, like, your worst point, I had a baby and it became a different concern. I started getting angry with your selfishness because I was like, I have a kid around who can get harmed by you accidentally dropping a pill on the floor or, God forbid, setting the house on fire because you’re just not in a sober mindset or whatever … So then it became anger and resentment, whereas it started as fear and worry.”
Surrendering Control
For Dan’s mother, it was a completely different experience.
“It was a very sad and trying time,” said Debbie, Dan’s mother. “It was a time where I would have liked to be in control of a situation and I couldn’t. I couldn’t no matter what I did. … So not only was I sad, but I walked around with extreme high anxiety over what could happen. What would happen if I couldn’t do it? Who was going to do it? — Not realizing that the only person that could do it is you,” Debbie said.
In fact, it was only when Debbie finally relinquished control that Dan was able to surrender to sobriety.
“Your surrender, more or less, was when you were in the hospital and you were there by yourself,” Debbie said. “When they told me everything was going to be okay, I looked at Daddy and I said to him, ‘We’re out of here.’ I was so angry … So me being angry … allowed you to see a little different me because I wasn’t sitting there and saying, ‘What can I do for you? How can I help you? Let’s do it this way.’ I just left you there and … allowed you to have your deep feelings and your thinking and without anybody there.”
Dan’s sister also had an interesting perspective to share on how her brother’s choice to seek treatment affected her.
“[When Dan finally surrendered to his addiction, I felt] extremely relieved,” Perry said. “But at the same time, equally scared. Because I was like, you have to want it. And I can’t force you to want it. It seems like you want it. I hope you want it. And I hope it sticks.”
Family Pride – Sharing Joy in the Victory of Sobriety
Just as Dan previously highlighted, addiction is something that affects more than just the addicted. So does sobriety.
“[When you finally took the steps to get sober], it was a breath of fresh air for me,” Debbie said. “I couldn’t be more proud … it’s not just me that’s proud of you. Your entire family is … the old Daniel—that’s what we’ve been missing for a while. And now we have our old Daniel back.”
Dan’s mother isn’t the only one celebrating the victories of his sobriety.
“I’m unbelievably proud and just so happy that you have found an inner peace and a purpose,” Perry said. “You have a different outlook on life and I think you take it day by day. You’re able to be more vulnerable and open yourself up to situations but also be honest with your boundaries … I know that you’re on your journey and doing your best every day, which is all anyone could ask of you or anybody else.”
Family Therapy at All Points North
While it all might sound too good to be true, the happy Brody family that opened up on Recovery x APN didn’t get to where they were without a lot of hard work. For them, APN played a huge role in their overall healing process.
“[Family therapy at APN] changed my life,” Debbie said. “Lori, [our APN therapist], was able to say to me [what] no one has ever said to me before: ‘I know exactly what you’re going through. I went through it. I still go through it with my daughter. Some days are just going to be great and sometimes it won’t be, but I’m telling you you’re not in this alone. You’re not the only one.’ And she explained it in a way where I used to come off those phone calls [feeling] relieved that you were in a place where they were taking care of you … she got us all to be able to say what we wanted to say to you because … up until then were afraid of saying it.”
Dan’s sister, Perry, also spoke about how working with APN impacted their family.
“I think that you had really great people around you who educated you and therefore you’ve educated a lot of us,” Perry said. “We did some therapy during the beginning of your recovery and I think we all got a different perspective on how to support you. I think those tools have remained in place. So I think it’s helped our dynamic, especially because you’re sober and we’re all happy and able to enjoy you sober.”
The Brody family is able to highlight the importance of seeking help when needed, not just for the individuals struggling with addiction, but for their loved ones as well.
“I could see how [APN] structures their programming and how they think about their clients’ recovery and how invested they are in it,” Perry said. “[Especially] how they help educate and bring in other family members to help make them successful—I hugely commend them for that … You just don’t know what’s the right way, what’s the right thing to say, and how to handle it. I just feel like we all got the right messaging and toolkit. Like, you want a toolkit in these situations. You want someone to be like, “Here’s how I recommend you handle this situation.’”
The Stigma of Addiction and Typical Family Coping Mechanisms
In processing the podcast episode with his colleagues, Dan opens up on his views regarding the stigma of addiction and how that can affect family dynamics.
“It’s very easy – especially with the stigma of drug addiction or alcoholism – if you have a family member that’s going through it, for you to wipe your hands with it and not be there because of the stigma of it,” Dan said. “In my experience, my family didn’t do that. They were going through a lot of things and frustrated with me and there was fear involved. There’s a lot of things that could have caused them to say like, ‘Go figure it out. We’re gonna go to sleep, and hope you’re there tomorrow.’ But, they didn’t.”
Still, Dan knows that’s not the case for everyone.
“Looking back on it and hearing other people’s stories, it’s funny,” Dan said. “Because when I share in the rooms, I had to get comfortable in sharing that I come from a comfortable background and I have a supporting family because half the stories you hear, they don’t have that … I just like feel there’s guilt associated with that because I had these things that other people didn’t have.”
The reality is, if more people had a family like Dan’s, more people would probably get sober sooner.
“It’s a unique balancing act because you wanna be there to support but you don’t want to push them away too. So, you know, I give my family credit … they were a huge part and still are a huge part in my recovery,” Dan said.
Brody Family’s Advice to Individuals With a Loved One Struggling With Addiction
Because the Brody family has unique experience with multiple members recovering from addiction with a collective 40 years of sobriety, they have some interesting insight to offer others who may be facing similar challenges.
“The only advice I could offer is you just love your loved one the most you can and you do the best that you can because you’re not in control of it,” Debbie said. “The only way they’re going to get better is if they choose to do something with it. I remember not wanting to hear that because I really thought I [could] do it. You cannot do it. You cannot do it unless that person is willing to do it. And once that person is willing, the road opens up.”
Dan’s sister offered the following advice.
“Do your best not to be offended or take things personally,” Perry said. “You have to be able to say to yourself over and over again: They’re someone else. Like, this is somebody else. This is not the brother that you know. This is not about you … I think my most successful moments [came from understanding it was] not personal.”
Healing Through Open Communication
Just 18 months sober at the time of filming, Dan and his family were able to have some pretty healing conversations throughout the Brody family podcast episode.
“It was a little nerve-wracking for me, but I’m so appreciative [and believe] it made us even stronger,” Dan said. “I think communication is key. [And it was good for me to hear my family was angry with me]. People are allowed to get angry … as long as they communicate it properly … it makes the family stronger to be able to communicate those things … [Without my family’s support], I wouldn’t be sitting here today.”
It certainly takes a lot of courage to not only have these conversations in the first place, but also to publicize them. Dan, however, highlights the benefit of this type of discussion.
“I think what’s unique about this episode is so many people have similar scenarios where like a sibling [or child or spouse is in] active addiction or struggling with mental health and they’re unsure what to do or they don’t feel like anyone is relatable,” Dan said. “To let everyone know like my mom’s husband and two sons are on this journey and it’s okay. There are solutions and there’s plenty of help to get there. You don’t have to do this alone. I think it helps others. At APN, we do a great job with family services and I think some people are hesitant to rebuild relationships, but it does get better. You just need to ask for help and see there are people out there that can provide that support.”
If you’re interested in learning more about All Points North and our addiction, trauma, and mental health recovery programs, submit our confidential contact form or call us at 855.934.1178 today. You never know how recovery can positively impact both yourself and your relationships until you begin that healing journey.
More From the Brody Family
Listen and watch the Brody family’s episode of Recovery x APN below, and find more episodes on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.